confucious says, you con-fused?

“the law is confused”

to which i reply to dear mr hedley, author of a tort text book, that makes two of us. I AM BLOODY CONFUSED.

ok, maybe not bloody confused. but some what so. after reading and reading i only have some what of a picture of what the duty of care is abt. how the HELL am i going to sit for exams in 2 months i have no idea. and this is like one topic of half a paper, of which i have 5.

*sad, pitiful face*

anyywayyys, you knew i was going to whine and blog abt how sad my life is so here goes =)

exams are coming. again.

everytime i think abt tripos all the rainbows in my head disappear and are replaced with scary dark clouds. and lightning.

it HONESTLY really feels like just not long ago i was sitting for my 1st yr papers. and now, here i am, nearly at the end of 2nd year. so jiwangifying. makes me think about what i have accomplished thorughout the year, how i’ve grown/changed, how i’ve gotten to know people better, how the things happen for a reason, what i’ve learnt – about life, about people, about myself.

it is 2009. i’ll be graduating in a yr or so.

that is just so scary, not knowing what will happen to me after.

oh, oh, OH. today i went to the LIBRARY. yay me! i think libraries are good for me. for one, i actually work, evn if i still have an attention span of a goldfish, i get somethings done. ALSO, since there is nth to eat and i have no coins/too lazy to walk to the vending machine, i don’t eat random rubbish the whole day! as is the case when i stay in my room to work. its scary how you just keep eating to procrastinate. really.

so tmr, its back to the library agn.. more work done hopefully. its been 2 wks of hols already. omg. that is scary. can’t recall how i spent my days, except the first 4 days that was spent in italy travelling with my cell members. italy was awesomee. the sun, the gelato and the random posing. although i don’t think i could look at gelato and pasta for sometime to come..

here are some pics!

a group pic of all that went on top the 97.2 m tower that we CLIMBED.

meisheng, wanlin and i at the posh restaurant diane where we had our one’fine-dining’ dinner!

and here, the millionth time we were eating gelato..

and here with all our random drinks at the jazz bar we went to. <3 vodka + oj =)

trip was really fun. good times, getting to everyone better. also, i have decided to be more intellectual from hence forth. everyone says i’m a bimbo. which is kinda depressing if you ask me.  like totally! ok, i’m kidding. i don’t speak like that in real life. i will now only speak of things that matter, like poverty, the credit crunch and WORLD PEACE! haha.

i just realised how i didn’t blog abt anything i did throughout lent. except steal jing’s blog post. hee. will sometime soon post up loads of pics to attempt to potray how lent has been for me. was a trying term, let’s just put it that way. insane amt of sup work for us poor land economist (mad 6 sups a weeks = 6 essays. can’t believe i actually pulled that off), THAT paper 6 project, snow snow snow, snow fights in between lectures, snow fights in the middle of the night, meeting mahathir, co-producing our AWESOME m’night (which i kinda miss now. no more bugging kenrick and watching random practices..), halfway hall (emos), cny ball (still can’t believe i lost chinese chess to a less-than-sober person!), cumsa ball, relinquishing our cumas’s posts, random cookouts in my room, random shopping trips, humbling experience of internship hunting, being an emotional wreck and yet pretending everything’s okay, growing closer to some and then watch some drift away.

8 weeks. rollercoster indeed.

and i remain confused.

oh do you realise how katy perry’s ‘hot and cold’ song is perfect for the weather these days?

“you’re hot and you’re cold, you’re yes (rain) and you’re no”

oh yes, you change your mind like a girl changes clothes alright.

ciplakted. oh yes, piracy

want to know what i’ve been up to as of late?

GO HERE

and HERE

thank youu wanton (jingy!)  i copy =)

i know i’m lazy.

END OF TERM IS NIGH!

(but that means easter hols, and studying. boo)

8 more sups to go till i’m home free.

work? word.

cny is coming! and oh the skies and grey.

what extreme juxtapositions.

feeling particularly emofied today. i think its the weather *glares at grey clouds and rain* and also the fact that i need, need, need to start writing essays today. and also the fact that i’m worried abt vac schemes. sigh. so lame.

but aniwaehs! i shall plunge head first into my pile of work with a smile on my face *plasters forced fake smile* just beacuse. a happy worker is a good worker! (ok, i made that up, but it sounded cool right?)

actually i think i’m just rambling abt nonsense right now and should stop, but i can’t! I JUST CAN’T..

so, its 8.07 am on a friday which i don’t have lectures to attend. tell me again why i’m awake when i could be curled up under my duvet asleep? boo =(

so, lets evaluate my week. sunday was mad day, involving much bitchiness, hate and pain. yes, last day to finish my p6 project and last last minute when i thought i was all done, i spotted a mistake. a fundamental, core part of the project so had to change almost everything. nearly died. and felt like tossing my mac out the window cos it was being bitchy with me. hmph.

that was sunday, barely slept and somehow had the energy to roll out of bed for my 10 am lecture. and to hand in (finally!) my project. then after lectures was shopping! got this lovely jacket tht was cheap too! made me very happyyyy.

tuesday, was watching frost/nixon with jings, nicks and harold since jings was very ‘resourceful’ (to quote many) and gt us free tickets! i love free things! =) so even though i had no idea what the movie was about, neither was it one of my must-watch-shows (SHOPAHOLIC!! HAVE. TO. WATCH.) i happily trooped down to grafton in the cold to catch the free movie. and at the end of it, i still didn’t know what the watergate scandal was -_- but now i do! thanks to go old wiki!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watergate_scandal

other than that, my days have involved much staring into space wondering what i should do with my life and attempting to do some reading. and i will get a decent amount of work done today. no being stupid and wasting time. study study study. supervisions, here i come prepared!

yes, at least i have smth (s) to look forward to – cumas cny dinner, cny eve cookout, cny ball. oooh so happening huh? =)

the story of my candied apple

this is my candied apple.

this is me, eating my candied apple.

and this is still me, eating my candied apple.

bye bye candied apple.

…

its week 5.

i’m ALLOWED to be narcissistic.

i’m ALLOWED to be as mood-swingy as i want.

i’m ALLOWED to throw mini tantrums, and then blame it on the fact that it is week 5 and i’m suffering from a severe case of week 5 blues.

except.

i’m nt feeling very blue yet.

i think it the overdose of sugar last night from my cotton candy.

oh, yeah. i bought cotton candy at the guy fawkes fun fair, and ate it all to keep me awake while doing my essay, into the wee hours of the morning.

yes. last minute as usual.

my lack of sleep + too much sugar made my brain like literally go dead during my finance supervision just now.

luckily, my work was decent and the supervisor didn’t kill me when i just stared blankly at him when he asked me what the formula for growth was.

like LITERALLY stared blankly.

stupid moment of the week.

a moment of silence

let’s all have a moment of silence as the weekend comes to an end.

boo.

so sad.

its back to lectures.

i’ve spent the ‘whole’ of today reading abt regional unemployment disparities. (from the OXFORD handbook of economic geography some more!)

basically what i’ve learnt today is… i must get a job so i won’t be unemployed.

yes. simple enough.

i have dedicated next week as ‘Grace’s job hunting week/Grace’s attempts at looking for a career’ cos i’ve only got satu supervision next week.

yes, meaning i have 4 this week.

well, work for 1 and a half done.

that’s good right?

=(

no….

so much more work =(

i think i had too much fun over the weekends.

what a glorious day

today was my ‘no lecture’ day. how awesome.

unfortunately it had to start with some idiot setting off the fire alarm at 4 am. idiots. people who set fire alarms off for no apparent reason should be set on fire.

and no, i do not have violent tendencies or rage issues.

but anyhows, no lecture day is always fun. today i decided to be good and head down to town to buy books.

how intellectual right?

buying books and all. i can hardly contain my excitement.

i spent 100 pounds or so buying the things that bring me the most pain in the whole world.

wait, actually supervision work brings me the most pain see how its the work that makes me need to read the books right?

ok, i don’t know whats wrong with me today, i think i have somewhat lost my mind.

(yes, i did have one to begin with, contrary to popular belief)

OH!

and a bought a really pretty planner, so now i’m going to be superly organized.

its pink and has flowers =)

i was tempted to get the hsm planner, but i thought it might have been a tad riduculous for a 20 yr old to be carrying arnd a planner filled with supervision dates and DEADlines (haha. geddit? geddit?) that has zac efron on it.

but yeah. i realised that my supervisions are really skewed. one week i have 4 and the other 1. so basically on the 4 weeks (which is next week) i’ll be a half dead woman.

sigh. i guess as much work as i have to do, i’m actually really enjoying my subject choices this year. so far at least. which is a good sign. AND i finally decided what subjects i’m going to do. like confirmed confirmed and i’m nt going to change my mind anymore and if i do, jing ting can have….all my bak gua XD

anyways, going off now, gbk has 2 for 1 burgers! how awesome is that??

ps : my blog is going to be pictureless for a bit cos i forgot to bring back my camera cable. smart.

frustrations

sigh.

super the sien now.

i dread the mere thought of supervisions and they haven’t evn started.

well, at the rate i’m going, i won’t be able to attend any cos my awesome department doesn’t even know how to assign ppl supervisions. all my sups clash with either other sups or lectures.

gosh.

so annoying.

things are looking mighty screwed up.

just so sien today, and the fact that i’m still sick (well sort of) and i have to prepare for supervisions that I CANNOT POSSIBLY ATTEND bugs me.

why can’t we be more organized?

and i have a sup on thursday, and no work has been given yet. and we are supposed to hand in work 48 hrs before. which means tmr. but i don’t even have the work yet.

grr.

i hate this.

i hate supervisions.

i hate work.

i hate reading.

i hate writing essays.

i hate intellectual conversations.

i hate responsibilities.

i hate sorting out my schedule.

i hate decisions.

i hate hating.

ok. emo overload.

and today there is no bright side abt anything.

no, nt evn the fact that i gt a lovely pair of shoes for super cheap in lincoln.

(speaking of which, my shoe count is getting a bit scary. just a bit)

sigh.

i hate being so emo.

i need a pick me up.

day one

day one.

8.00 am – woke up to get ready, in attempts to be early for my very first lecture as a part Ib student

8.20 am – realises that my plan to wake up at 8 failed, when i was still lying in bed at 8.20

8.30 am – grabs smth that resembles food and rushes out the door.

8.35 am – gets bike.

8.40 am – discover that bike is broken. or at least screwed up. starts to scream (in my head of course, don’t want to seem like a lunatic!) and freak out. no way i’ll get to dept in 20 mins.

8.55 am – pleasedon’tletmebelatepleasedon’tletmebelate

9.05 am – reaches dept, can’t find the room i’m supposed to be in.

9.06 am – finds room. no more chairs in room. nearly contemplated sitting on the floor, until i saw yanhong and peng yang, and then shares their chairs.

ah. yes. eventful morning. my last few days here have been like murphy’s law. anything that can go wrong. does.

i’m sick (this is probly payback for me nt ‘believing’ in the existance of fresher’s flu) my stomach keeps churning, i was late for my first lecture, i’ve gt this massive blister on my foot thanks to my stupid flats, i can’t find my cutlery box, internet port in my room is nt working, and i still can’t finalize my options for this yr!

oh, and my room is still in a mess.

it doesn’t really look messy cos its big and the mess just spreads itself arnd.

anyways, yes. to more positive things. i got a free ft today. woo. how exciting. i read the first page and then decided that it was time to go to sleep.

although i have to admit i really enjoyed my finance class (at least thus far). its like we are studying real things that are happening, and not random, theoratical economics theories that you never really see in the real world.

but yeah, it could just be first lecture excitement. lets hope its not. i really want to enjoy all my papers this year. as nerdy as that sounds.

ooh, and *drumroll* i found wireless in my room! so exciting right? its from the jcr which is just sort of below me. so now i can wonder arnd my room with my laptop. yay. saves me the trouble of having to get a splitter so i can connect myself upstairs as well.

yes, and now its back to the ft. the great british bail-out beckons.

when there’s nth to be done.

..you stop blogging frequently.

notice how since exams ended for me, i have barely touched my blog?

and seriously, when there’s nth to do, you realise how capable you are of doing nth.

i can now sleep for 12 hours a day.

i ACTUALLY take afternoon naps, smth i have not done in a LONG time.

you realise that you are capable of finishing two seasons of a series in 9 days.

you realise that bathing and eating aren’t as fun as you made it out to be during exams.

but sleeping however, that’s a different story.

sleeping is AWESOMEEE.

notice the complete lack of intelligence in this post.

too much sleep and ‘not using my brain’ for too long.

well, tmr is options day, so for once i actually have to go somewhere.

and the day after is department garden party and dos dinner.

and after that its cumas garden party planning all the way!

ok, i actually have proper things to do now, instead of me just sitting arnd doing nth.

but in my doing nth, actually did smth.

i don’t think i made much sense.

anyhoos.

went london to meet up with aimi, the mrs president, and mrs-ey-est person of all.

super fun, good food, good company, awweeesssoommme sights xD

then sometime last week, walked to granchester (a small town near cambridge), seriously we don’t have anything to do. pretty sights, loads of greenery..and cool looking houses.

and, other than that, just general lepaking with people who are done with exams.

dodgy fried chicken eating with jings, being wei yang’s curry laksa guinea pigs, watching euro 2008.

my life really is rather boring at the moment.

my biggest problem is whether or not i should sleep 13 hours as opposed to the 12 i am currently getting.

ooh, excitement!

haha. i’m kidding,la.

i suppose i’ve got to sort out garden party stuff, and sort of decide my options for next year.

sigh..

really don’t know what papers to take.

but oh well, i don’t have to decide anytime soon.

and, ooh. exam results out on the 19th.

i’ll probly be hiding it out in my room. wouldn’t dare to face anyone.

d stands for doomed. d stands for depressed. d also stands for dead.

WARNING : A LOT OF OVER INDULGENT SELF-PITY COMING UP AHEAD

sigh.

sat for my first tripos paper today.

how did it go you say?

read the title again, buddy.

IT WAS CRAP.

omg.

you know how i like to exaggerate and say things like i’ve never felt so stupid before, well today, I REALLY have never felt so stupid before.

like a complete idiot.

sigh.

the paper which made me threaten to jump into river cam (before yanhong reminded me that if i jump into river cam on purpose, i will get a 3rd)

=(

its like all i wanted to was to be able to answer every single essay confidently, but the welfare essay choices were so crap!

like i didn’t even understand the question, and how on earth do you expect me to write an essay on smth i don’t even know what i’m supposed to write abt. and even if i did understand the question, i didn’t really COMPLETELY FULLY comprehend that topic, so i couldn’t even write crap properly!

gahhhh!

my econs paper is so gone.

its like i should be studying for my other papers next week, but a part of me just doesn’t bother.

too tired, for one.

and too sien.

ooohhh, and the worst part of this is, as time was dwindling down, and i got so fed up of thinking, i sneeked a glance at this guy sitting near me, and he FINISHED TWENTY PAGES writing his 4 essays. and ASKED FOR MORE paper.

WHAT THE HELL?

i, on the other hand.. only used slightly more than half the book allocated?

gosh, i am such an idiot.

even the essays i thought i could do, i probably didn’t do a very good job.

=(

depressed depressed depressed.

i just can’t move on from the fact that my first paper was so screwed up.

actually, to be honest, i have really no idea how i really did.

but it just feels as though i did really badly.

i don’t know.

sigh.

all sorts of “i should haves” are rushing through my head now, like how i should have studied harder, i should have slept less, i should have spent more time looking at the details, i should have anticipated the worst etc etc.

and the worst part of all this is that, i ‘think’ i did study, i did prepare well, but i come out feeling so crap. makes me so not motivated to study anymore.

gosh.

i guess i should get over this, stop moaning and groaning abt my econs paper and start preparing for the other 3 papers.

law, stats & accounts and THAT land paper.

tell me, how on earth am i going to survive tripos.

if i’m alive on wednesday i’ll let you know, how i survived.