on turning insomniac

28 03 2009

sigh. i’ve turned insomniac. can’t sleep. need sleep. boo.

slept at 5am yesterday thanks to the half cup of old town coffee i decided to drink, which normally does NOTHING for me. played wedding dash on my phone until i reached the highest level and then read half of twilight. and still couldn’t sleep..

today.. i’ve got too much liquid in me to sleep. and i don’t feel sleepy at all. but i should sleep. i need to study tmr. and be like productive. today completely gone thanks to the lethargy i felt of sleeping at 5am.

oh. and i’m very sad. someone stole my raw WHOLE chicken. yes. the whole damn chicken.

tell me,la seriously. WHO ON EARTH STEALS A WHOLE RAW CHICKEN.

seriously, what is wrong with the world…

oh, news flash!

i’ve decided to stay away from alcohol for a bit. not that i drink a lot, but alcohol makes me sad. and emo. and easily irritated, instead of the high bubbly feeling normal people get. screwed up.

makes me think..

…about life

…and serious stuff

… like..

who are we, really?

its crazy how one person can affect another so much.





confucious says, you con-fused?

27 03 2009

“the law is confused”

to which i reply to dear mr hedley, author of a tort text book, that makes two of us. I AM BLOODY CONFUSED.

ok, maybe not bloody confused. but some what so. after reading and reading i only have some what of a picture of what the duty of care is abt. how the HELL am i going to sit for exams in 2 months i have no idea. and this is like one topic of half a paper, of which i have 5.

*sad, pitiful face*

anyywayyys, you knew i was going to whine and blog abt how sad my life is so here goes =)

exams are coming. again.

everytime i think abt tripos all the rainbows in my head disappear and are replaced with scary dark clouds. and lightning.

it HONESTLY really feels like just not long ago i was sitting for my 1st yr papers. and now, here i am, nearly at the end of 2nd year. so jiwangifying. makes me think about what i have accomplished thorughout the year, how i’ve grown/changed, how i’ve gotten to know people better, how the things happen for a reason, what i’ve learnt – about life, about people, about myself.

it is 2009. i’ll be graduating in a yr or so.

that is just so scary, not knowing what will happen to me after.

oh, oh, OH. today i went to the LIBRARY. yay me! i think libraries are good for me. for one, i actually work, evn if i still have an attention span of a goldfish, i get somethings done. ALSO, since there is nth to eat and i have no coins/too lazy to walk to the vending machine, i don’t eat random rubbish the whole day! as is the case when i stay in my room to work. its scary how you just keep eating to procrastinate. really.

so tmr, its back to the library agn.. more work done hopefully. its been 2 wks of hols already. omg. that is scary. can’t recall how i spent my days, except the first 4 days that was spent in italy travelling with my cell members. italy was awesomee. the sun, the gelato and the random posing. although i don’t think i could look at gelato and pasta for sometime to come..

here are some pics!

group pic

a group pic of all that went on top the 97.2 m tower that we CLIMBED.

dinner

meisheng, wanlin and i at the posh restaurant diane where we had our one’fine-dining’ dinner!

gelato!

and here, the millionth time we were eating gelato..

p1010805

and here with all our random drinks at the jazz bar we went to. <3 vodka + oj =)

trip was really fun. good times, getting to everyone better. also, i have decided to be more intellectual from hence forth. everyone says i’m a bimbo. which is kinda depressing if you ask me.  like totally! ok, i’m kidding. i don’t speak like that in real life. i will now only speak of things that matter, like poverty, the credit crunch and WORLD PEACE! haha.

i just realised how i didn’t blog abt anything i did throughout lent. except steal jing’s blog post. hee. will sometime soon post up loads of pics to attempt to potray how lent has been for me. was a trying term, let’s just put it that way. insane amt of sup work for us poor land economist (mad 6 sups a weeks = 6 essays. can’t believe i actually pulled that off), THAT paper 6 project, snow snow snow, snow fights in between lectures, snow fights in the middle of the night, meeting mahathir, co-producing our AWESOME m’night (which i kinda miss now. no more bugging kenrick and watching random practices..), halfway hall (emos), cny ball (still can’t believe i lost chinese chess to a less-than-sober person!), cumsa ball, relinquishing our cumas’s posts, random cookouts in my room, random shopping trips, humbling experience of internship hunting, being an emotional wreck and yet pretending everything’s okay, growing closer to some and then watch some drift away.

8 weeks. rollercoster indeed.

and i remain confused.

oh do you realise how katy perry’s ‘hot and cold’ song is perfect for the weather these days?

“you’re hot and you’re cold, you’re yes (rain) and you’re no”

oh yes, you change your mind like a girl changes clothes alright.





grey clouds

16 01 2009

i need to sort my life out. pronto.

term has barely started and i’m already in the “idon’tcareaboutsupervisionsandidon’twanttodowork” stage.

this is bad.

feeling a bit messed up. but no fear. after i’m done with my project.. i shall embark on this awesfully awesome soul searching journey, hopefully including me finding my inner nerd.

yes.

*to inner nerd* come out, come out wherever to you are!





life. death. love. hate.

10 11 2008

oh, the extremities.

how odd it is to be so happy at one moment, and then an hour later, you feel like strangling everything in sight.

i think i *MIGHT* have anger management issues.

either that or i’m just one hormonal being.

although, *quote eileen*, being 20, our hormones are supposed to be stable.

but there must be something wrong with you when you don’t feel like seeing anybody at all, and the thought of talking to people makes you so sick.

and you even contemplate going for the early, early church service so you won’t see anyone.

this is so not me.

the stress of supervisions and internship apps are just starting to take its toll on me.

so, maybe i should have listen to ji’s advice and did my research and application crap over summer instead of lazing around and watching stupid shows on hbo everyday.

thus, due to the events (or lack thereof) of the past few days, i have decided to go back over winter.

i think if i stay in cambridge for the 5 weeks break, i will be like a candle with no wax left.

READ : BURNT OUT.

now, i just have to get my ticket.

and i can’t decide to go for mas or emirates.

i hate transits, but i get to save 200 pounds (whichmeans200poundsmoreformetospendonnonsense)

so. CBA perhaps?

is it too much for me to just be HAPPY?

i don’t get it.





wish upon a wishing star

25 10 2008

oh how i wish i could be 15 again.

sure, its great being old and mature, and ‘oh-so-much-wiser’.

but i just want to be that child with no care in the world. besides whether you’d get 6as or 7as in your pmr.

and it doesn’t help that my essay on the right to buy is getting nowhere, and my bandwidth keeps maxing out on me thanks to the stupid datas i’m trying to download so i can sound impressive in my supervision.

and the fountain outside the computer room is mocking me.

yes. 

the fountain.

it has nth to care abt, besides sprouting out water and looking pretty.

ah well.

my emo-ness-less latest but 12 hours.

i think its time for me to do some spiritual feeding.

i’ve really taken the liking to this prayer, the serenity prayer. for some reason or another =)

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference”

yes, i need serenity from God.

 





so it pours

20 10 2008

you know you’ve lost it when you find staring at raindrops trickling down your window therapeutic.

except the rain is so heavy, its nt even drops anymore. more like splats.

how i wish i could just hide under my duvet, and sleep until i feel like waking up =(





frustrations

13 10 2008

sigh.

super the sien now.

i dread the mere thought of supervisions and they haven’t evn started.

well, at the rate i’m going, i won’t be able to attend any cos my awesome department doesn’t even know how to assign ppl supervisions. all my sups clash with either other sups or lectures.

gosh.

so annoying.

things are looking mighty screwed up.

just so sien today, and the fact that i’m still sick (well sort of) and i have to prepare for supervisions that I CANNOT POSSIBLY ATTEND bugs me.

why can’t we be more organized?

and i have a sup on thursday, and no work has been given yet. and we are supposed to hand in work 48 hrs before. which means tmr. but i don’t even have the work yet.

grr.

i hate this.

i hate supervisions.

i hate work.

i hate reading.

i hate writing essays.

i hate intellectual conversations.

i hate responsibilities.

i hate sorting out my schedule.

i hate decisions.

i hate hating.

ok. emo overload.

and today there is no bright side abt anything.

no, nt evn the fact that i gt a lovely pair of shoes for super cheap in lincoln.

(speaking of which, my shoe count is getting a bit scary. just a bit)

sigh.

i hate being so emo.

i need a pick me up.





bluergh. uuergh. glum.

2 10 2008

why do ppl think the world revolve arnd them?

if you can’t tell i’m a bit pissy today.

i’m annoyed cos i’ve been food poisoned.

i’m annoyed because my bag seems to have ’shrunk’ and i can only fit so many things in.

i’m annoyed cos i have to spend my last night home in the toilet.

i’m annoyed cos i’ve suddenly developed an allergic reaction to smth no one can determine.

i’m annoyed cos my hair doesn’t want to co-operate.

i’m annoyed cos there are things that i just have to do, but don’t feel like doing at all.

i’m annoyed cos i can’t decide on my papers for 2nd yr. to take ‘law & economics” or to not take “law & economics”? that is the question (this reminds me of eva’s to be or nt to be with her ’smart feather’)

i’m annoyed cos i always feel like ppl are doing things for me, my sake when technically its their ‘duty’.

i’m annoyed because the world doesn’t revolve arnd me.

hah.

….

on that bitter and angry note, i’ve leaving tmr. back to work, and slogging. was actually kinda excited a few moments ago, then i think abt the work i have to go through and all that crap.. my mood just plummeted.

nt looking forward to essay writing and pretending to be intelligent again.

i really have no idea what’s in store, but a little voice in my head tells me its nt going to be pretty.

okay, okay. exaggerato much?

fine. 2nd yr will be fun. i won’t have any problems, and work is going to be so intellectually challenging that i’ll just feel my brain growing bigger as the seconds go by.

oh yes.

how’s that for positivity?





gone going gone

6 08 2008

have been mia for quite some time.

having what we discovered is called a ‘quarter life crisis’.

gee. does this mean i’ll live till i’m 80?

i think having too much free time on my hands is very disorientating. and it weirds me out.

i guess i should go hang out with friends, i really should.

i guess i should go get another ‘job’, oh yes i should.

i guess i should go do smth productive with myself. i seriously should.

ever wondered what the meaning of life is?

in the words of ewan mcgregor.

“the greatest thing in life is to love and be loved in return”

i guess that is true.

firstly, love between myself and God.

and then there’s family.

and friends.

oh speaking of which.

have you ever wondered what “friend” means?

like exactly what does it take for you to consider one your friend?

is it by the number of minute details you know abt him/her?

or is it the amt of time you spend with each other?

or is it just because you click?

what differentiates friends and acquaintances?

sometimes i think its when you can argue and get mad at someone, it means you are friends.

you get mad, well cos you care i suppose?

ah, enough of this semi-deep nonsense.

olympics is starting reallllllyyy soon!

can’t wait!

enough of this “road to olympics” crap we get on astro.

i want THE olympics.

excitinggg.

oh, and did i mention nadal is world no.1? well, come august 18 that is. but minor detail my friend.

ah yes.

and today i promise myself, and all you who are reading this that i will START READING the book my dad wants me to read. “the world is flat”.

and also, i hereby swear to read the business news on bbc and the star everyday.

smart-ing myself you see.

haha.





fed.up.

12 06 2008

just am.

ever felt like you were pushing against a wall that won’t budge?

and sometimes i think i’m too nice for my own good.

wth.